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About Deviant Member Robert TritthardtMale/United States Recent Activity
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Spacedogs2-pg34 by VinceAndrews

Hey there. I'm going to preface this by saying that I've never seen any of your work before and therefore don't know what is going on w...

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Spacedogs2-pg34 by VinceAndrews
Hey there. I'm going to preface this by saying that I've never seen any of your work before and therefore don't know what is going on with this story. I am critiquing this as a single page.

I really like your clean line work. Your line weight variation is nice and your use of positive and negative space is good.

Here are some things I would think about fixing/changing:
- Punctuation. You need to add periods at the ends of sentences and commas where there is a pause. "Well, hell. Ya'll..." or "Well hell, y'all..."
- The crossbar I in lettering. There is a general rule about fonts and the letter I. Basically, it is this: Use the crossbar I when the letter is by itself. When the letter is in a sentence, use the version that does not have a crossbar. See the rule here: www.blambot.com/grammar.shtml
- Word balloons going into the bleed. There is one balloon here that leaves the safe area of the page. This is going to create havoc when you go to print unless you decide to go full bleed.
- Centering text. You should make sure there is an equal amount of space on all sides of the text in a word balloon as well as make sure your text follows the shape of the balloon it is in. Your balloons starting with "Of course not..." and "um.. wasn't..." break this rule. If you had put the word "um" on a line by itself, there wouldn't be so much blank space on the top of the balloon as compared to the bottom.
- Tangent. There is a tangent created by the bottom of the last word balloon and the bottom of the panel. Lift the balloon up a little bit.
- Wires in panel 1. There are a couple of wires hanging in panel 1 that are nice, but there should be some more to finish out the panel.
- Expression. The expression on the guy's face should be a little more extreme in panel 2. He doesn't look like he's struggling at all or about to get his head cut off, maybe add some teeth to his mouth? Unless, of course, he's supposed to look calm.
- Static last panel. You should angle this panel to give it a little emphasis and dynamics. Force the perspective a little so the escape pod is coming toward the viewer. I would not connect the trajectory lines of the pod with the ship. It's a little visually confusing. Start at the pod and taper them off before they conect with the ship. Add some debris to the launch?
-Stars. Vary the distance between all the stars. They look too static.

I hope all that helps. Good luck and keep at it!

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djsprockets
Robert Tritthardt
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:iconcinestress:
Cinestress Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2014  Professional Filmographer
Hey, Robert! RE your Facebook post: I will happily help you with anything on dA. I will go through the groups I'm in and see if any match your work, but the group that I think you should join if you haven't already is :icongotgoth:.
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:icondjsprockets:
djsprockets Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2014
Thanks! I did indeed join that group. Now I just have to figure out how to balance my posts and commenting on everyone else's. :)
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:iconmishkadance:
mishkadance Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2014  Professional Filmographer
Robert, had no clue you were on DA. I have been reading your Write and Shine since inception....LOVE it...Having lived in N.O. and been in the scene a LONG time...I enjoy so much of what you draw/write. Keep it up..and know that you have more fans than you think...(even your trolls have a crush on you!)
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:icondjsprockets:
djsprockets Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2014
Great! Thanks for reading the strip for so long and for the kind words.
Feel free to share the strips with as many people as you can. I need to find more readers like you. :)
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:icondelrosal:
DelRosal Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2014
I'm glad I found you here. You've been an inspiration during hard times. Thank you.
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:icondjsprockets:
djsprockets Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2014
Thank you! :D
I post more regularly on Facebook and Tumblr.
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:iconalastoroncrack:
alastoroncrack Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2014  Student Photographer
Hey, yeah you're here too :D
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:icondjsprockets:
djsprockets Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014
Yep. I try to be as many places as I can. :)
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:iconnecromos:
Necromos Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014
cool
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:icondjsprockets:
djsprockets Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014
Thanks!
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